relationship tips bethenny frankel i suck at relationships

The Zen Game: Lock Down Your Relationship By Being in the Moment

I’m no Zen expert, but I do know it’s about being in the moment. This is not only a strategy but a really good practice for all your relationships. This game is the sequel to cat and mouse (more on that in my book I Suck at Relationships So You Don’t Have To) — once you have been “caught” by the cat, you can settle into locking down the relationship, and the Zen Game is the way you do it.

When you are with your partner, be fully there. Be present. Really listen, really respond. Be connected. Be together. Be a “we.” Be on the same team. Be a family, if that’s appropriate. Create memories and make that person feel really good being with you.

Once someone is locked down, they are yours to lose. If you play your cards right in the beginning, then no matter what you do later, the connection you are forging now will be so strong that it will be hard to screw it up. And even if you do, you are more likely to be able to get it back, because you started this way.

Connection is what it’s all about, and if you are constantly thinking about something else or looking at your phone, you can’t connect with the person in front of you.

This is an excerpt from I Suck at Relationships So You Don’t Have To by Bethenny Frankel, available on