bethenny frankel relationship advice he's just not that into you

Girl Talk: This is Why He’s Just Not That Into You

I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my attempts to get a guy interested in me, and I’ve observed even more mistakes out there in the world. Some of these things are obvious when you see other people doing them, but you might not realize it when you are doing them. If you are having trouble getting a guy interested, these are some of the things you might be doing wrong:

– Talking too much. Stop dominating the conversation! You will learn more by listening.
– Talking only about yourself, especially bragging and/or being a know-it-all. Let your date discover how smart and accomplished you are. Let the truth unfold naturally.
– Not talking at all or having no opinions. Don’t be a doormat.
– Being indecisive. This is so annoying. For example, you never know what you want to do, or you say “I don’t care” to every question about plans, like where to eat or what to do. This is especially reprehensible if you actually do care but don’t want to admit it because you are afraid you will sound demanding. Have a point of view. You don’t have to control the plan, but don’t be wishy-washy, or that girl who has to workshop everything to death.
– Acting subservient or helpless. Get a backbone. If your date opens doors for you or is chivalrous, that’s great, but you also need to know that you can open the damn door yourself if you have to.
– Insecurity and putting yourself down constantly. It’s not charming and it’s not the same as modesty.
– Showing obsessive interest in your date. That makes anyone uncomfortable, and it degrades you. Don’t act like a stalker.
– Talking about your exes, especially how great they were and all the things they bought you or did for you, or how psycho they were, because why would you put up with that kind of behavior?
– Being too critical. If you are constantly criticizing, nagging, or emasculating your date, you probably won’t get another date. Some men do stay with naggers, but they have been snipped and also can’t stand their partners.
– Taking too long to get ready or being otherwise a high-maintenance pain in the ass.
– Obsessing about every bite you eat, special-ordering everything, or yammering on about how much you worked out. Obsessive dieters and fitness people are only interesting to other obsessive dieters and fitness people.
– Being completely uninterested in sex. People who aren’t into sex are eventually only interesting to other people who aren’t into sex.
– Being excessively critical or cynical about everything. You might think you are being ironic or clever, but it can come off as plain negativity, and that’s unpleasant to be around.
– Acting superior. You might think you are hot shit and even too good for that nice guy taking you out for dinner. You are not. Show me a hot girl and I’ll show you a guy who would rather watch Family Guy than bang her.

This is an excerpt from I Suck at Relationships So You Don’t Have To: 10 Rules for Not Screwing Up Your Happily Ever After by Bethenny Frankel, available on