Dating // 06.3.14 // 26 Comments

Steve Ward's 3 Fundamentals of a Healthy Relationship

What makes a strong foundation for a relationship? Steve Ward shares his expertise.

Steve Ward's 3 Fundamentals of a Healthy Relationship

Matchmaker and host of vh1's "Tough Love," Steve Ward shared his wisdom on the relationship hour, starting with his thoughts on the fundamentals of a healthy relationship.

Steve says the three fundamentals are:
1. Communication
2. Respect
3. Trust

On what do you base your relationships? Tell us in comments.

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Comments

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winona pena
282 days ago

Steve id an *******!!!!

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Sara
285 days ago

I really don't care what Steve said about how men aren't attracted to obese women, because he's simply using his own personal preferences to project on others; he's not at all different from most of the men out there. Where I DO take issue, however, is how he was lumping together "obese" and "lazy", because those two do NOT go hand in hand. I'm obese, have always been, and it's something I struggle with on a daily basis. HOWEVER, I'm 41 years old, have a 16-year career with a very well known hotel company (where I work about 60 hours a week), I bought my first home by myself, I take care of the house all by myself, including painting, cleaning, hanging pictures, putting together furniture, etc. That does not sound like a lazy person to me.

I have always been concerned about this "obese = lazy" misconception, and have always tried very hard to overcome that by working hard; making sure I present myself well when it comes to hair, make-up and clothing; and carrying myself with confidence. So far it has worked for me, but I would be lying if I said it was easy. I work in a very public-oriented position, and I often feel like I'm being judged, but that just makes me want to work harder.

When it comes to men, I've had my fair share of interest (just haven't met the right one yet!), because there are plenty of men who have liked my size, and many of them find it hard to believe that I'm still single.

It comes down to "to each their own", so if Steve prefers someone who is fit and thin or whatever, and he wants to speak for all men and think they all want the same thing, so be it. (I don't like that he called it a fetish, because that just makes it sound like obese women should be in a traveling circus, but that's a whole other topic of discussion!) Just don't go around thinking that obese = lazy, because that is a horrible stereotype and it's very hurtful. And besides, there are PLENTY of thin people who are lazy!

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Jackie PARI
285 days ago

Omg love the show! Steve ward got the audience going,,,,,,I have to agree with a lot of what Steve says,,,,,there was a lot of difference between men and woman that we will talking about forever,,,,I don't think as woman we want to hear what Steve says,,,,,as true as it might be.

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Meredith
285 days ago

I just want to take a minute to thank Bethenny for how she handled the situation with Steve.

Were some of the things he said sensical? Sure. Were some of them bogus or coming from a personal standpoint that he used to represent ALL men? Sure. I personally thought his delivery was all wrong, which made EVERYTHING he said sound like he was a giant douchebag. That being said, I'm not here to stand in judgement of Steve- I don't know him, he's not my problem, but it's these incredibly ridiculous and hateful views of people that are the problem. And that's what I'm here to comment on.

Listen, I'm a bigger girl. I have been bigger since I was a child. It's been a lifelong issue for me, and that's what people don't stop to think about sometimes. Being bigger is not just about eating and lying around like a slob. Metabolism, thyroid problems, certain medications, etc can make you more susceptible to being overweight. Sometimes, the way a parent handles a situation with raising a larger child fuels the problem and makes the battle to maintain a healthy weight even harder as an adult.

Anyway, the point is, stop judging people because of their body type. For every bigger girl, there's also an exceptionally thin woman who worries about her body being too boyish or can't put on weight no matter how hard she tries. We all have our struggles.

No matter what my weight has been over the years, I've learned that CONFIDENCE is what makes the difference with dating.

It was only when I thought that no guy could EVERY appreciate me how I was (high school, early college when I was the least confident about myself and had no actual dating experience) that I had a problem attracting a man.

Now that I am 29, embrace and love myself for who I am, and know what improvements I want to make within myself and why, but appreciate who I am in the moment anyway, I often get attention from men when I am out. But the thing that sucks is that, because of comments from men like Steve, and societal stigmas on people who have bodies like mine, the pressure that you need to look like a supermodel or no man will love you, etc, women in general (big ones, little ones, whatever) tend to have a hint of self-doubt in their minds always.

Every time a man approaches me, I have to battle the negative thoughts that come into my mind (WHY would THIS guy be into me? etc etc) to be able to remember the fact that I am, yes, a CATCH. Despite my flaws (which we ALL have by the way, whether they are immediately noticeable on your body or personality flaws), I'm a beautiful, intelligent, talented, funny, kind woman, and it's knowing that about myself wholeheartedly that attracts the men that I date.

Anyway, long story short, we need to stop generalizing what ALL men like and what ALL women like, and what we all should be like, and focus on the things that make us unique, and the wonderful things we all have to bring to the table, to benefit ourselves AND the other people in our lives. Too much focus on the bad makes us obsessive and anxious and makes us feel hopeless that we will actually be able to change the things we want to about ourselves.

Thanks for supporting the 20-year-old fellow bigger woman who stood up to speak, Bethenny. I watched you hug her when Steve was grilling her about her eating habits and exercise routine, and you did just what I wanted to do- hug her and let her know she's beautiful and worthy, regardless of size. You, as a health guru, could've easily taken Steve's side and backed him up in his argument. It's not only this segement, but in every episode that I watch, that I realize more and more what an advocate you are for ALL women. Thank you, Bethenny, for being a girl's girl and helping to empower women to be successful, happy, and proud of ourselves and our accomplishments, no matter our struggles and imperfections. Because of societal pressure to be unrealistically Barbie Doll perfect, we as women hear, see, and tell ourselves enough of the negative crap every day. It's nice to be reminded to silence that crap and appreciate who you are, where you are, and where you're going instead.

Keep on keepin' on, lady! You're the best.

A very appreciative fan,
Meredith

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Lisa
286 days ago

Steve Ward is right about how men view woman. when I go out with my pretty friends who are thin blond and cute (I'm obese ugly and hairy) men flock to them they pant over them. I can dress up as much as I want I can put on layers of makeup but men will not look at me because I am unattractive. Steve is so right about fat chicks we are just a fetish we are not desirable we are not what they want. I have a wonderful personality but it does not matter because I look like jabba the hut. no one wants to date jabba when they can date princess Lea, that's how it is.

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Bill Payne
286 days ago

Why is it that women bash men that like slim women. Women that are overweight always chase thin men and don't want to date overweight men. If that's not the case why do they chase thin men.

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ew
286 days ago

While I'm sure there are always EXCEPTIONS to the rule MOST guys that date fat/obese women only do so cuz they can't do any better and don't have the stones to say it.Men try to get the best/hottest woman they can 1st and trickle down from there until they resign themselves to date a fat chick cuz she's better than nothing.

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ew
286 days ago

and with her attitude and that mannish-looking hair its no wonder to be that Nicole is Eddie's EX-WIFE

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William Kounter
286 days ago

I hate Steve even more. I completely object to his multiple comments about obese women. I take great offense, because weight was never an issue for me. I met Linda in line at a movie theater on December 15, 1979. We have been happily married for over 33 years when she died this April. She was only 5'4" and she dropped under 300 pounds after a three-month stay a couple years ago. Because of thyroid problems, she was around 350 pounds when I met her and has been that heavy until after that lengthy hospital visit I mentioned.

Like I said, I first met Linda IN PERSON in line at a movie. I NEVER THOUGHT ONCE ABOUT HER WEIGHT. She was a very special person whom I miss very much. She was 60 when she died and I am 53. I can't even consider looking for another relationship.

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ew
286 days ago

I think Steve Ward held his own quite well (considering)and was on point with MOST of his comments and the guys here that disagree with him are probably *****whipped or just homos.
Women (especially on daytime TV) are too used to every guy agreeing with them and not telling them straight how it is.

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Nancy
286 days ago

I once heard an expression about women and men that I think has some truth to it, mainly because we approach relationships differently: Men fall in love with women they are attracted to. Women become attracted to men they fall in love with.

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William Kounter
286 days ago

Who is this a-hole on stage? Get him off of your show! What an opinionated, obnoxious this Steve character is. And he says all men agree with him? This man--me--absolutely and vehemently hates/disagrees with him. Seriously.

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Steve
286 days ago

the show that contained steve ward that aired on 11/20/13 about do looks really count.... I am so unhappy about this showing.... my wife... had breast cancer....had a double mastectomy and has fought for her life... Bethenny ALSO did not take into consideration of people who have challenges in their life... she better wake up and realize that the REAL world is not all lovely and happy all the time... there is more to a relationship than pretty looks and glitter... that is not how the world is. The fight my wife WON made me closer to her now than ever... We both worked for it and won. Those scars on her chest means to me she fought... fought to live and spend more time with me. I REALLY DON'T THINK ANYONE ON THE SHOW GAVE A CARE... it was all about how do i look... Pretty ??? What is Pretty ??? Think about what is important in life...

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darlene alexander
286 days ago

look girls come on lets get real; i'm 50yo and 50lbs overweight and the truth is i got lazy i still want to dress nice and look good but i'm not gonna work hard enough to weight less its not that important to me anymore however there are lots of guys i been attracted to that are fun and oh how i wished i wanted to have sex with them but steves right i just could not completely go with my feeling for the guy because of looks; he could be to short, to fat, i use to not like it if a guy thumb would hyper-ext, maybe messy in his surrounds. i seem to want to have sex with hot guy in good shape however usually in life we have to live within our looks most of the time some get lucy. bottom line is fat is not attractive sorry.

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Sam
286 days ago

Bethenny, please do not invite Steve Ward back on your show. He is a hypocritical douche bag who should not be giving anyone advice on relationships. All you have to do is google "Steve Ward and hooker" and you'll find that he cheated on his current girlfriend with a hooker, and it was all recorded! What a fantastic guy to be getting relationship advice from...
This guy is a joke and I was so disappointed to see him on your show today.

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